When did you have your first crush? Most people would say when they were 10 or
11. Anyways, I am one of a kind! When every guy my age was still thinking about
food, games or whatever occupied a boy's mind at 5 years of age, I had started
the search for my eve (sharp guy like me).
Cynthia was my first prospective candidate, though it was
not as If I had it in mind to leave my parents and marry Cynthia at age 5 but I
mean it was not too early to start hanging out with the person you are likely
to spend more than half your entire life with right?
Cynthia was not the typical angel I believe you would like
to have me describe, in fact I remember she used to have mucus in her nose all
the time (iyama), but she was fair, pretty and nice. She used to lend me her
spare pencil whenever I did not bring mine and we used to chat a little bit
every now and then. I liked Cynthia, and we were good friends.
Sometimes I drag this battle in my head if Cynthia was
really a crush or a friend. Everytime though, the crush part won because I
remember seeing Cynthia differently from other girls in my class.
Sadly, Just the same way I cannot remember my first moments on
earth, I do not seem to recall what eventually happened to Cynthia. I think she
eventually left my school . Can you really blame me?? I was 5.
My next epic experience with a potential eve was in primary
4. Bimpe was light skinned and fine to death. The swagger and grace from which
she walked and gesticulated was simply beautiful to watch. I could stare at her
for hours without doing anything in particular. That was how close to being
flawless she was. Sadly I could never summon up the courage to even try to talk
to her. I just crushed on her in pain and I must say I was very comfortable
with this arrangement. I sat two rows from her and I would come to school
everyday and admire from a distance. There were also a few boys who were trying
to be Romeo to her, I got jealous every now and then and wished she just even took
notice of me once. One other thing, I was little scared of our height
difference ,it is no secret that girls develop faster in growth at early stages
than boys coupled with the fact that I had a smallish stature made me lack the
courage to even say hi or ask what church she attended or something , anything.
Yes I knew the drill at that tender age, it is still the same old routine even
till now, the first step is to try and create a basis for a conversation or
permit me to say, familiarity. That is why a guy walks up to a lady for the
first time and says “you look familiar” seriously? If you are a guy and you
still use these gimmicks then you seriously need to be schooled in these
things. I can tell you categorically that a lady appreciates it if you go straight
to the point. Take a cue from this conversation
Guy : hello pretty miss… I just saw you from where I was
chilling and I was beauty struck.
(now if she is like every normal girl she should begin to
blush after that, even if you are not so handsome and charming and would try
all she can to conceal it) and if she is saucy, then you might get a snub
Guy: I am (say your
name) NOTE: Try to say it with the kind of swag James Bond usually introduces himself…. You
know, the “I am Bond, James Bond! Yeah I know some of our names don’t exactly
work with the swag. For example if your name is Jegede Babaloluwa( purely
fictitious) mehn…. Its hard for that to come out with swag. I am lucky mine does
anyways. I just go I am Akin, Akin Williams. Swag right?… yeah I know!
You continue by telling her you want to be friends with her
straight up. (don’t try to tell her you fell in love with her at first sight
bullshit, that never ends well) if you get the feeling she might like you a bit
then you can ask for her number. If you
don’t get this feeling shut the hell up! And leave it at the introduction stage
for the mean time, then on second encounter you can ask for her digits. But
then…. What do I know? This is all a
digression, let’s get back to pretty Bimpe.
I crushed silently on
her for half a term and I was
comfortable in admiring from afar. Until that day that brought Bimpe to
actually notice me.
I used to talk a
whole lot in class and my class teacher warned me on several occasions. I tried
to caution myself, but I found out it seemed my mouth had a mind of its own and
decided to talk anytime it deemed fit. As fate would have it, one day while my
mouth was running its usual business my class teacher spotted me. The practice
when you were to be punished for making noise and disturbing the peace of the
class as a result of side talks was that your sit would be changed or your seat partner would be
switched and the right person my teacher thought it right to place me next to
was my crush. It was very surprising. As I packed my things from my former seat
different things started going on within me, I can’t really explain it even
now, just funny reactions. I started hearing
slight thuds in my chest and as I moved closely to my new seat the rhythm of the thuds increased to something
like when rain is drizzling . As I took my seat next to her, the thuds in my
chest started beating faster and faster. By the time I was taking position near
her the thuds had started raining cats and dogs. I had heard my mum use the
expression “I felt like the grounds would open up and swallow me” before, I
fully understood what it means now because that was exactly what I was feeling
at that moment.
To make matters worse she disliked me plain because Tayo, her best friend was her former seat mate
had to switch seats with me. So I had
successfully separated them , for that she hated me. She decided to be hostile with me straight
up. She did not say anything in particular but I read her loud and clear. When
it was time for break . I happily went on to get stuff to eat. By the time I
came back, Bimpe had used chalk to draw a line on our desks to mark out
boundaries. That meant I must not go over my side of the desk. I was angry,
what did she mean? That ignited war! I took my own chalk and made sure the line
was thicker to send her the message that I was cool with the idea.
The next days were spent in silence . We never said spoke or
related in any way. My class teacher was definitely contended with herself
since she had successfully kept me mute. It also seemed that my mouth’s mind
had synced with my own, it did not spit out unnecessary comments without first
consulting with me. Then after about 2 weeks of our forced oath of silence,there came
this day when I needed an eraser because our class teacher was going to flog anybody
who did not have one. I noticed Bimpe had a spare and I was filled with way too
much ego to ask her for her spare. As I thought about strokes of the cane my class teacher would
happily bestow on me. The mind in my mouth which had been mute suddenly swinged into action. The
words fell out before I could take them back… “please can I have your spare
eraser?”. The intonation in her voice
depicted pure evil. “NO, I would never!" To make it worse, she handed her spare to the next
person that asked her for it.
I was caned and it hurt----not the cane, but what Bimpe did.
This only fueled the Inferno of our hatred the more. I resulted in my mind
never to speak to her ever again.
mutual hatred for each other continued for the next 2-3 weeks I cannot recall
in particular. On this fateful day, Bimpe came into class with a sling around
her neck and a cast on her hands, she had gotten involved in an accident. The
whole class surrounded her. Some were pitying her, others were busy trying to
sign on her cast. I also felt terrible seeing her in that condition but I could
not show it. As she took her seat near me, I behaved like I had not noticed ,
whereas I was dying to tell her something, I was hurting deep down. I
discovered at that moment that I did not even dislike or hate her a bit, I
liked her now more than ever.
The first class we had that morning was Mrs Clarkson’s
class. She liked to write on the board fast and this morning was not going to
be an exception, I knew Bimpe would not be able to follow her. And just like I
anticipated, when the class commenced Bimpe could not keep up. I decided I would
write for both myself and her. She was evidently shocked when I lunged to take
her note from her, without making any reference to her I got to work. I started
writing as fast as I possibly could for the both of us. She made no comment.
After the class she murmoured something that sounded like thank you, I could
not really tell. Nevertheless I continued writing notes for the two of us for
the next week, until she was able to handle writing.
Like Magic, she started smiling at me without any reason.
Sometimes she smiled so hard at me that I blushed to a pulp. To crown it all on
Valentine’s day I received a card from her which read
Be my Friend!
My day was made, and this was the beginning of a cool
relationship between Bimpe and I